a question

does a person who

a. forgets his debit card in a restaurant after having his lunch,

b. and then again the very next day forgets to collect back the 60/- change after paying 100/- for 40/- worth of drinks deserve to even be an aspiring entrepreneur?

or was it the passion with which he was thinking about the idea thats actually getting reflected in his absent mindedness / carelessness?!

P.S.

Had lunch with Shekhar Kammula, tis ofcourse a different matter that we sat two tables across with a wall-like pillar between us. 

Love Story: A Closure

Five years. F***. F***. F***. Five years. Five very f***ing long years.

All spent figuring out what exactly hit me. Trying to comprehend what exactly happened. It’s funny how falling out of love is so just like falling in love. It’s the same thing. The confusion. The mindlessness. The thoughtless actions. The yet to sink in feeling of the reality. The enormity of the truth that the life next is never ever going to be how it was just moments ago. Just here you are facing it alone. All alone.

We had decided it was not working out. Funny, how we never thought we were so different earlier. I loved icecream and she loved the chocolate that comes with it. I loved the sunny outsides and she loved the breezy evenings that come with it. I absolutely detested pinks and she would die for them, turning pink on everything. It was in truth a conjunction of contrasts, the contrasts which we chose to ignore. But ignorance is bliss, isn’t it? It’s just a function of your blindfolded world view, just one reality check and all the ignorance you just can’t afford to ignore anymore.

Every week we used to meet. Slowly, then we started meeting every fortnight. And then days became weeks and weeks became months and before we knew months turned to years. And five of them already! We had as we chose to believe ‘grown’ over the years. Our views were more ‘mature’.

Now we knew sitting in a park is wasting time. Stopping the bike and eating an icecream because you ‘want to’ is not the way to do it. And now you don’t call anyone because you want to; you call them because you need to. Its now a generous does of realism and a high dose of cynicism, you had to survival to do, didn’t you? It all comes with growing up you see; its all a package. It’s a jungle out here.

And five years, we still stayed friends, we still are. We know the zing has just died. We still stick to the tiny teeny weeny thread that hangs by it. It was the closure that was missing. We could never give it a meaningful closure. It was not enmity. Neither was it a completely mutual happy ending. That was the funny thing. It was never an ending. It was never a closure. It is just like gum that sticks between your fingers. Pull your fingers away, and thin strands still stay unbroken, slowly solidifying. Somewhere while moving your fingers away you stop, wait and watch the strands of gum in wondrous amazement. Beautiful to behold, you stop and stare. All it needs is a snap of the fingers, a closure. But it’s the snapping that we are not able to get ourselves to do. And then when the snap happens, the beauty will be gone and only the ghosts stay.

Five years in the same city. Unexpected encounters, uneasy smiles, complicated hellos and prolonged byes. It’s the closure that never gets to happen. It’s through the small crevices in the solid lives that there is a ray of hope. Seeping in, crawling, catching you in awkward postions, uneasy situations and unspoken cacophony of long drawn silences.

Today was my chance to give this a closure. A closure that would declare itself loud. My friend told me famously to let go of the past to make a new future. And today my future shall be the end of my past. And finally I’m settled. Unnatural the world around me now.

Today has come the chance for me to make a pact with my past. To erase the past that won’t fade out on me. A past sticky, like bitter bile threatening to throw up in uneasy places.

Three thing are certain. The past was beyond me. Now I would be truly lonely. And she would come to see me go.

There she was. Smiling; but something amiss. I guess that’s how it’s meant to end; after all beaming ear to ear is not how you end something, unless of course it’s the new year eve. It’s funny how she still pretty much smells the same after all these years, the tiny scent of roses and vanilla. Funny how things haven’t changed much except of course for that hint of cynicism. But the tiffs still stayed. The love lost, the chemistry gone, the seriousness gone, but that childishness still intact. The innocence that stopped the closure…

“Long time to be gone, huh?”

“Yeah, another five years…”

“Another?”

“Yep. Let’s see how we fare up”

“So when shall you be back?”

“I’m not really sure, I mean I don’t know yet. It’s a consultant job and you know the life of the consultants right? Flying, moving, staying, talking, designing, solving, its a pain.”

“Yes sir I do know and of course not to speak of the beeeautiful ladies that come with it” she nudged.

“Hell yeah.”

“And so where is my parting gift?”

“Why should I give you, it’s you who should give me one. It’s me that is leaving, remember?!”

“So no succor for this damsel?”

“Wwwwhattt? Don’t you cry out on me this time ok. Like the last time you clutched my sleeve and wetted it with my tears. How embarassing!”

“Yeah right. And you wouldn’t even hold me or wipe my tears. Giving that furtive glances all around when your love is missing you so much and you won’t even hold her! Gawd! You were such a wuss.”

“Oh yeah?! And what were you? What about the time when I asked you to come on my bike. You refused out flat to even acknowledge my existence?! You wissy sissy”

“Ok, i hurted. I wont talk to you. hmpf”

“Aaaah very clever lady. What a way to diss my gift”

“You are just so cheap thinking of the gift when you’ve pissed me off. You have the lady here in distress and you won’t even brighten her day up!”

“Hell yeah, as though we are still together…”

And that’s when the truth whipped. A silent snap and beat missed. Things that come out that ought not have. Smiles and giggles vanished. Deafening silence. So this is how this was supposed to end, isn’t it? The closure ?

Then the world started blurring. Thin layers of brine flooding the eyes. Small gasps of breath yearning for space. Leaden hearts pounding in thunderous tandem. And then the deafening silence.

Just silence. Two minds. Two hearts. Two people. One thought.

And then she looked at the space before me. I looked at the empty aura before her. Eyes meeting inches ahead of another. Silence again. Another joke was tough to come by. But now it was a closure. We knew it has ended. And we acknowledged.

And then suddenly she rested upon my shoulders. She was crying, I was too. I stroked her hair and wiped her tears, she didn’t mind it anymore. People were looking and it was embarassing. But now, I didn’t care anymore.

My World View

You scored as Cultural Creative. Cultural Creatives are probably the newest group to enter this realm. You are a modern thinker who tends to shy away from organized religion but still feels as if there is something greater than ourselves. You are very spiritual, even if you are not religious. Life has a meaning outside of the rational.

Cultural Creative
94%
Existentialist
75%
Idealist
69%
Postmodernist
50%
Romanticist
50%
Modernist
44%
Fundamentalist
31%
Materialist
25%

What is Your World View? (updated)
created with QuizFarm.com

TiE Interactive session with Mr. Ajit Deora

Location: Ram, The Manohar

Speaker: Ajith Deora, partner in Light Speed Ventures [LSV]

A quite unexpected session on a lazy Saturday afternoon turned out to be quite a learning experience and a rewarding one too! First it started off with the VC view of the whole entrepreneurship scenario and then became more interactive as it went on. By the end we had a draw of lots of the business ideas submitted and yours truly got really lucky and won an 'iPod Shuffle'. Thats totaly woohoo!

My take homes

  • On one hand it was thoroughly encouraging to find that LSV does fund people who only have a good business idea; the one that came up regularly in the session was that of Tacit in delhi.
  • But what was more fearful was that after a round 1 level funding the VC takes ove about 55% of the company and by the end of all the rounds of funding the funding people (other than the founders) control about 85% of the company. This sort of validates the myth of the VC suckage that is so famous in the startup circles.
  • That was also enlightening to know was that the VCs prefer if you can take care of yourselves. They will really be happy if you just take the money, run the company yourself and then later the VCs get their investment back.
  • VCs look at startups as just an investment. No matter how passionate you are about your own idea, how well you think it will work; if the VCs arent able to see the business value in fuggedaboutit.
  • If you are really the sort of person where you want the major share to stay with you during funding; VCs are prolly not for you.
  • The reason for this session was to interact with the young guns to find their views and get in touch with the startup community of Hyderabad. Afterall, India and China are the markets to look out for.
  • In your business plan, you must have the following.
    • idea
    • business model
    • market, market size & marketability
    • sales and marketing team
    • clearly identify the roles of everyone
    • you must at the very least must have identified positions & persons for your venture: ceo, cfo, cio, sales and marketing team
  • It is the pejorative of the founders/entrepreneurs to followup and push the VCs. They as I said, generally prefer if you can just give their multiplied investment back. Dont expect them to run around for you.
  • Thought it was a business case contest it turned out to be a lots and yours truly was doubly lucky. I presented an idea of a rupee a day health programme for low/middle-class/rural areas. This was a dream project of moi and my friend tarun gandhi(his passion actually) to provide affordable healtcare to all. Where the government has failed, we hope to make good inroads. Diwakar from IIIT talked about a circle oriented method of dealing with families than based on geneaologuy based family trees. Next was Srikanth who has a realtime solution for decision making. What was enlightening in his talk is the amount of clarity in his idea and the numbers he already has to prove his mechanism.
  • And then there was Atul Guptas idea of getting gaming to tv. But my doubts persist on that.
    • if i was gamer and there are lot of underground sites to play/download games, why would i need suscription
    • 5 years ago a new channel was started which would show the gaming live on tv. i think that sort of thing might work well. [Update : Bringing Online gaming to TV! this my wow-woah! moment] something like a cyber olympics for a small part. I think this would be an idea of making cybergames truly cyber. Why should gamers meet at one place and then play, when they can be at different goegraphical locations and play. That i think would be truly cyber.
    • Rajan had a great point to make: the reason why kids go to cybercafes is so that they can escape their parents' eye. Why would i want to risk my freedom by getting subscription based gaming here? However, seems like ATI might have already been working on one such solution as said Dasrath Guhe (GD) MD ATI.

Related Posts

Rajats post on Hyderabad Technology Blog

Rajans PoV

TiE Hyderabad – It starts

TiE Bangalore has a very active chapter in Bangalore what with all the hyperactive startup activity going on. It had actually started a long time ago. TiE hyderabad had not been 'that' active; but for an aspiring entrepreneur and for existing hyderabadi entrepreneurs, things are achanging very fast.

Tomorrow the Saturday in Crystal Palace A, The Manohar we have a tete-a-tete, a question led interactive session Mr. Ajit Deora, a VC with Light Speed Ventures. Shoot all your queries from how to get the venture money to how VC funds are constituted. Most importantly , there are cash prizes for asking question. Now how cool is that! And its from 12:00 to 3:45. Thats definitely one good way to spend your weekend 🙂 So be there or be dead, iff you are an entrepreneur or aspiring to be one. 

Definitely going to attend and of course, blog about it too! So watch out guys for this space. In case you too are interested to jump in dash off a mail totiehyd AT hotmail DOT com or rajat DOT gupta AT hotmail DOT com.